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Stargazer Claudia Gray : PDF

Claudia Gray

In a word: lame.

I've been on a roll with crap YA lately, so feel free to take my gripes with a grain of salt. But guys...THIS BOOK IS LAME. I was (reluctantly) determined to give Stargazer a chance -- not because I was wow'd by Book 1, but there was just enough that piqued my interest in how future books would unfold, despite the massive quantity of dumbness in Bianca & Lucas's story.

That dumbness was not improved.
Rather, the dumbness was planted in a sunny location, watered daily, sprinkled with fertilizer pellets, & serenaded with Mozart.




...MICROSCOPIC SPORES OF MASS STUPIDITY!


(Spoilers ahead. Natch.)


Aside from Vic & Ranulf, everyone in this book was functioning at the height of ineptitude. I can't even count how many times Bianca had the opportunity to ditch Dipshit Gary Stu Lucas -- nevermind for her safety, but for the safety of those she supposedly cared about -- but did she do it? NO. What a selfish bint. I realize that the repeated references to Shakespeare were attempting to parallel Lucas & Bianca with Romeo & Juliet...but guess what? Not even Juliet was dumb enough for this:

BIANCA: Woe is me, I miss my precious Lucas! But how can we possibly meet, since he's a vampire hunter & I'm a vampire?
BALTHAZAR: I've got a Cunning Plan(TM). See, you can pretend to be my girlfriend because I'm responsible & nice & handsome, so I'll take you off school grounds & we can fake going on dates & kissing & stuff. I'm doing this because I want you & would make a suitable mate & I've tried to kill that dipshit Lucas before, but you're still in insta-lust mooncalf lurve & I hate seeing you in pain. Somehow I've convinced myself this is a win/win scenario.
BIANCA: Woohoo! Are you sure my precious Lucas won't mind?
BALTHAZAR: He'll understand because I'm bringing you to cop a feel.
BIANCA: Your Cunning Plan(TM) is awesome. My precious Lucas will be totally okay with this. We're in love. And he's got such beautiful hair.
SARAH: *headdesk*


Then there was this dumbness about Bianca's childhood:

BIANCA'S PARENTS: Yeah, so we've not told you the truth about everything that ever was.
BIANCA: Like what?
BIANCA'S PARENTS: We told you nice stories about drinking blood in order to make sure you're eager to become a vampire & avoid an unpleasant, painful fate as a wraith, because we love you & want you to be as happy as possible with your vampiric heritage.
BIANCA: Piss off, Mom & Dad. My precious Lucas was right. Vampires are evil because you made us sound like non-violent pacifists! You don't love me at all!
BIANCA'S PARENTS: Stop being such a whinger, honey. Let's talk this out like reasonable adults.
BIANCA: Shut up. I'm running away with the vampire-hunting boy I've known for, like, a year. Off & on. Occasionally. But we're totally in love, so get over it. And by the way, I'm never speaking to you again. My precious Lucas & his beautiful hair will protect me.
SARAH: *headdesk headdesk*


And then there was this dumbness about Balthazar's sister:

RANDOM BLONDE VAMPIRE: I r dangerous.
BIANCA: No, you're not. You just need a hug.
RANDOM BLONDE VAMPIRE: Whatever. Listen as I make mysterious, vaguely menacing comments about stuff.
BIANCA: Have you seen my precious Lucas?
DIPSHIT LUCAS: I am so fucking good at killing vampires!
RANDOM BLONDE VAMPIRE: *pushes him over*
DIPSHIT LUCAS: Black Cross will get your ass, bitch! We're so fucking good at killing vampires!
RANDOM BLONDE VAMPIRE: Blah blah blah, menacing semi-insane conversation. Whut?
BIANCA: My precious Lucas, stop trying to kill this poor scraggly blonde vampire.
DIPSHIT LUCAS: But I'm Black Cross. Hunting, tracking, & killing vampires is in my blood. Grrr, growl, hiss. Did you see I'm carrying a meat cleaver under my coat? I'm a total badass.
RANDOM BLONDE VAMPIRE: *escapes repeatedly*
BALTHAZAR: ...Have you seen my sister? She's blonde & random & spouts vaguely menacing things because she hates me right now.
BIANCA: See, my precious Lucas? Aren't you glad you didn't kill that poor scraggly vampire?
DIPSHIT LUCAS: Whatever. Let's go stargazing so I can touch your boob.
BIANCA: Your beautiful hair is so romantic.
BALTHAZAR: So...yeah. I'll go to the movies alone. But tell my sister I'm looking for her, plz?
RANDOM BLONDE VAMPIRE: I hate you. Go away. Respect my vaguely menacing conversations, dammit.
SARAH: *headdesk headdesk headdesk*


...And, finally, there was this dumbness, which would drive Blade to tears of agony:

DIPSHIT LUCAS: How on earth will we possibly find that random blond vampire? It's like she's disappeared off the face of the earth! Not even Black Cross, the baddest of badasses, can track her down, let alone defeat her scraggly blonde self.
BIANCA: Have you looked in the hospital?
DIPSHIT LUCAS: Huh?
BIANCA: Hospitals have bloodbanks. And I, being a vampire, can assure you that we need blood.
DIPSHIT LUCAS: You're so smart, Bianca. I'm in love with a genius! Why hasn't Black Cross, which has been hunting vampires for hundreds of years, ever thought to check hospital blood banks? It's not like we didn't know your kind needs blood all the time. For some reason we've inexplicably ignored this uber-obvious source. I love you for setting me on the easiest path to this homicide.
BIANCA: You're so romantic, my precious Lucas. I'm not a genius -- I'm just really intuitive. And your hair is beautiful.
DIPSHIT LUCAS: La la la, that's cool. Let me just kill this random vampire & we'll go make out again.
RANDOM BLONDE VAMPIRE: Zounds! You have interrupted my snack, & now I will punish you with menacing conversations.
BLACK CROSS BADASSES: Careful, Lucas! Your ultimate badass crew is en route to asskickery! Watch as we attack random vampires with super-soakers & meat cleavers, booo-yaah! Fear us!
RANDOM BLONDE VAMPIRE: *escapes*
BLACK CROSS BADASSES: Oh, snap. We've been hunting this one for months. Too bad we missed our chance. Again.
SARAH: *headdesk headdesk headdesk nosebleed headdesk*

Be still, my heart! *swoon* The insta-lust between Bianca & Dipshit Lucas sets my romantic sensibility fluttering with anticipation of further episodes. And why not? It's a staggering adventure of angst-riddled, nonsensical wuv & the most inept, utterly non-badass group of vampire hunters that ever existed, now made complete with the introduction of wraiths & soul-writhing emotional torment surpassed only by The Bard himself. Which brings us to the ultimate question: Am I brave enough to continue this saga?




...Hell no, rather.

329

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i've been on a roll with crap ya lately, so feel free to take my gripes with a grain of salt. but guys...this book is lame. i was (reluctantly) determined to give stargazer a chance -- not because i was wow'd by book 1, but there was just enough that piqued my interest in how future books would unfold, despite the massive quantity of dumbness in bianca & lucas's story.

that dumbness was not improved.
rather, the dumbness was planted in a sunny location, watered daily, sprinkled with fertilizer pellets, & serenaded with mozart.




...microscopic spores of mass stupidity!


(spoilers ahead. natch.)


aside from vic & ranulf, everyone in this book was functioning at the height of ineptitude. i can't even count how many times bianca had the opportunity to ditch dipshit gary stu lucas -- nevermind for her safety, but for the safety of those she supposedly cared about -- but did she do it? no. what a selfish bint. i realize that the repeated references to shakespeare were attempting to parallel lucas & bianca with romeo & juliet...but guess what? not even juliet was dumb enough for this:

bianca: woe is me, i miss my precious lucas! but how can we possibly meet, since he's a vampire hunter & i'm a vampire?
balthazar: i've got a cunning plan(tm). see, you can pretend to be my girlfriend because i'm responsible & nice & handsome, so i'll take you off school grounds & we can fake going on dates & kissing & stuff. i'm doing this because i want you & would make a suitable mate & i've tried to kill that dipshit lucas before, but you're still in insta-lust mooncalf lurve & i hate seeing you in pain. somehow i've convinced myself this is a win/win scenario.
bianca: woohoo! are you sure my precious lucas won't mind?
balthazar: he'll understand because i'm bringing you to cop a feel.
bianca: your cunning plan(tm) is awesome. my precious lucas will be totally okay with this. we're in love. and he's got such beautiful hair.
sarah: *headdesk*


then there was this dumbness about bianca's childhood:

bianca's parents: yeah, so we've not told you the truth about everything that ever was.
bianca: like what?
bianca's parents: we told you nice stories about drinking blood in order to make sure you're eager to become a vampire & avoid an unpleasant, painful fate as a wraith, because we love you & want you to be as happy as possible with your vampiric heritage.
bianca: piss off, mom & dad. my precious lucas was right. vampires are evil because you made us sound like non-violent pacifists! you don't love me at all!
bianca's parents: stop being such a whinger, honey. let's talk this out like reasonable adults.
bianca: shut up. i'm running away with the vampire-hunting boy i've known for, like, a year. off & on. occasionally. but we're totally in love, so get over it. and by the way, i'm never speaking to you again. my precious lucas & his beautiful hair will protect me.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk*


and then there was this dumbness about balthazar's sister:

random blonde vampire: i r dangerous.
bianca: no, you're not. you just need a hug.
random blonde vampire: whatever. listen as i make mysterious, vaguely menacing comments about stuff.
bianca: have you seen my precious lucas?
dipshit lucas: i am so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: *pushes him over*
dipshit lucas: black cross will get your ass, bitch! we're so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: blah blah blah, menacing semi-insane conversation. whut?
bianca: my precious lucas, stop trying to kill this poor scraggly blonde vampire.
dipshit lucas: but i'm black cross. hunting, tracking, & killing vampires is in my blood. grrr, growl, hiss. did you see i'm carrying a meat cleaver under my coat? i'm a total badass.
random blonde vampire: *escapes repeatedly*
balthazar: ...have you seen my sister? she's blonde & random & spouts vaguely menacing things because she hates me right now.
bianca: see, my precious lucas? aren't you glad you didn't kill that poor scraggly vampire?
dipshit lucas: whatever. let's go stargazing so i can touch your boob.
bianca: your beautiful hair is so romantic.
balthazar: so...yeah. i'll go to the movies alone. but tell my sister i'm looking for her, plz?
random blonde vampire: i hate you. go away. respect my vaguely menacing conversations, dammit.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk*


...and, finally, there was this dumbness, which would drive blade to tears of agony:

dipshit lucas: how on earth will we possibly find that random blond vampire? it's like she's disappeared off the face of the earth! not even black cross, the baddest of badasses, can track her down, let alone defeat her scraggly blonde self.
bianca: have you looked in the hospital?
dipshit lucas: huh?
bianca: hospitals have bloodbanks. and i, being a vampire, can assure you that we need blood.
dipshit lucas: you're so smart, bianca. i'm in love with a genius! why hasn't black cross, which has been hunting vampires for hundreds of years, ever thought to check hospital blood banks? it's not like we didn't know your kind needs blood all the time. for some reason we've inexplicably ignored this uber-obvious source. i love you for setting me on the easiest path to this homicide.
bianca: you're so romantic, my precious lucas. i'm not a genius -- i'm just really intuitive. and your hair is beautiful.
dipshit lucas: la la la, that's cool. let me just kill this random vampire & we'll go make out again.
random blonde vampire: zounds! you have interrupted my snack, & now i will punish you with menacing conversations.
black cross badasses: careful, lucas! your ultimate badass crew is en route to asskickery! watch as we attack random vampires with super-soakers & meat cleavers, booo-yaah! fear us!
random blonde vampire: *escapes*
black cross badasses: oh, snap. we've been hunting this one for months. too bad we missed our chance. again.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk nosebleed headdesk*

be still, my heart! *swoon* the insta-lust between bianca & dipshit lucas sets my romantic sensibility fluttering with anticipation of further episodes. and why not? it's a staggering adventure of angst-riddled, nonsensical wuv & the most inept, utterly non-badass group of vampire hunters that ever existed, now made complete with the introduction of wraiths & soul-writhing emotional torment surpassed only by the bard himself. which brings us to the ultimate question: am i brave enough to continue this saga?




...hell no, rather. to as "85 horse" motors. Jump start your school, work, or family project and save time with a professionally designed word, excel, powerpoint template that's a perfect in a word: lame.

i've been on a roll with crap ya lately, so feel free to take my gripes with a grain of salt. but guys...this book is lame. i was (reluctantly) determined to give stargazer a chance -- not because i was wow'd by book 1, but there was just enough that piqued my interest in how future books would unfold, despite the massive quantity of dumbness in bianca & lucas's story.

that dumbness was not improved.
rather, the dumbness was planted in a sunny location, watered daily, sprinkled with fertilizer pellets, & serenaded with mozart.




...microscopic spores of mass stupidity!


(spoilers ahead. natch.)


aside from vic & ranulf, everyone in this book was functioning at the height of ineptitude. i can't even count how many times bianca had the opportunity to ditch dipshit gary stu lucas -- nevermind for her safety, but for the safety of those she supposedly cared about -- but did she do it? no. what a selfish bint. i realize that the repeated references to shakespeare were attempting to parallel lucas & bianca with romeo & juliet...but guess what? not even juliet was dumb enough for this:

bianca: woe is me, i miss my precious lucas! but how can we possibly meet, since he's a vampire hunter & i'm a vampire?
balthazar: i've got a cunning plan(tm). see, you can pretend to be my girlfriend because i'm responsible & nice & handsome, so i'll take you off school grounds & we can fake going on dates & kissing & stuff. i'm doing this because i want you & would make a suitable mate & i've tried to kill that dipshit lucas before, but you're still in insta-lust mooncalf lurve & i hate seeing you in pain. somehow i've convinced myself this is a win/win scenario.
bianca: woohoo! are you sure my precious lucas won't mind?
balthazar: he'll understand because i'm bringing you to cop a feel.
bianca: your cunning plan(tm) is awesome. my precious lucas will be totally okay with this. we're in love. and he's got such beautiful hair.
sarah: *headdesk*


then there was this dumbness about bianca's childhood:

bianca's parents: yeah, so we've not told you the truth about everything that ever was.
bianca: like what?
bianca's parents: we told you nice stories about drinking blood in order to make sure you're eager to become a vampire & avoid an unpleasant, painful fate as a wraith, because we love you & want you to be as happy as possible with your vampiric heritage.
bianca: piss off, mom & dad. my precious lucas was right. vampires are evil because you made us sound like non-violent pacifists! you don't love me at all!
bianca's parents: stop being such a whinger, honey. let's talk this out like reasonable adults.
bianca: shut up. i'm running away with the vampire-hunting boy i've known for, like, a year. off & on. occasionally. but we're totally in love, so get over it. and by the way, i'm never speaking to you again. my precious lucas & his beautiful hair will protect me.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk*


and then there was this dumbness about balthazar's sister:

random blonde vampire: i r dangerous.
bianca: no, you're not. you just need a hug.
random blonde vampire: whatever. listen as i make mysterious, vaguely menacing comments about stuff.
bianca: have you seen my precious lucas?
dipshit lucas: i am so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: *pushes him over*
dipshit lucas: black cross will get your ass, bitch! we're so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: blah blah blah, menacing semi-insane conversation. whut?
bianca: my precious lucas, stop trying to kill this poor scraggly blonde vampire.
dipshit lucas: but i'm black cross. hunting, tracking, & killing vampires is in my blood. grrr, growl, hiss. did you see i'm carrying a meat cleaver under my coat? i'm a total badass.
random blonde vampire: *escapes repeatedly*
balthazar: ...have you seen my sister? she's blonde & random & spouts vaguely menacing things because she hates me right now.
bianca: see, my precious lucas? aren't you glad you didn't kill that poor scraggly vampire?
dipshit lucas: whatever. let's go stargazing so i can touch your boob.
bianca: your beautiful hair is so romantic.
balthazar: so...yeah. i'll go to the movies alone. but tell my sister i'm looking for her, plz?
random blonde vampire: i hate you. go away. respect my vaguely menacing conversations, dammit.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk*


...and, finally, there was this dumbness, which would drive blade to tears of agony:

dipshit lucas: how on earth will we possibly find that random blond vampire? it's like she's disappeared off the face of the earth! not even black cross, the baddest of badasses, can track her down, let alone defeat her scraggly blonde self.
bianca: have you looked in the hospital?
dipshit lucas: huh?
bianca: hospitals have bloodbanks. and i, being a vampire, can assure you that we need blood.
dipshit lucas: you're so smart, bianca. i'm in love with a genius! why hasn't black cross, which has been hunting vampires for hundreds of years, ever thought to check hospital blood banks? it's not like we didn't know your kind needs blood all the time. for some reason we've inexplicably ignored this uber-obvious source. i love you for setting me on the easiest path to this homicide.
bianca: you're so romantic, my precious lucas. i'm not a genius -- i'm just really intuitive. and your hair is beautiful.
dipshit lucas: la la la, that's cool. let me just kill this random vampire & we'll go make out again.
random blonde vampire: zounds! you have interrupted my snack, & now i will punish you with menacing conversations.
black cross badasses: careful, lucas! your ultimate badass crew is en route to asskickery! watch as we attack random vampires with super-soakers & meat cleavers, booo-yaah! fear us!
random blonde vampire: *escapes*
black cross badasses: oh, snap. we've been hunting this one for months. too bad we missed our chance. again.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk nosebleed headdesk*

be still, my heart! *swoon* the insta-lust between bianca & dipshit lucas sets my romantic sensibility fluttering with anticipation of further episodes. and why not? it's a staggering adventure of angst-riddled, nonsensical wuv & the most inept, utterly non-badass group of vampire hunters that ever existed, now made complete with the introduction of wraiths & soul-writhing emotional torment surpassed only by the bard himself. which brings us to the ultimate question: am i brave enough to continue this saga?




...hell no, rather. fit. See paragraph e 4 vii of this section for circumstances in which a tin is required on a beneficial owner withholding certificate. Estando en valle in a word: lame.

i've been on a roll with crap ya lately, so feel free to take my gripes with a grain of salt. but guys...this book is lame. i was (reluctantly) determined to give stargazer a chance -- not because i was wow'd by book 1, but there was just enough that piqued my interest in how future books would unfold, despite the massive quantity of dumbness in bianca & lucas's story.

that dumbness was not improved.
rather, the dumbness was planted in a sunny location, watered daily, sprinkled with fertilizer pellets, & serenaded with mozart.




...microscopic spores of mass stupidity!


(spoilers ahead. natch.)


aside from vic & ranulf, everyone in this book was functioning at the height of ineptitude. i can't even count how many times bianca had the opportunity to ditch dipshit gary stu lucas -- nevermind for her safety, but for the safety of those she supposedly cared about -- but did she do it? no. what a selfish bint. i realize that the repeated references to shakespeare were attempting to parallel lucas & bianca with romeo & juliet...but guess what? not even juliet was dumb enough for this:

bianca: woe is me, i miss my precious lucas! but how can we possibly meet, since he's a vampire hunter & i'm a vampire?
balthazar: i've got a cunning plan(tm). see, you can pretend to be my girlfriend because i'm responsible & nice & handsome, so i'll take you off school grounds & we can fake going on dates & kissing & stuff. i'm doing this because i want you & would make a suitable mate & i've tried to kill that dipshit lucas before, but you're still in insta-lust mooncalf lurve & i hate seeing you in pain. somehow i've convinced myself this is a win/win scenario.
bianca: woohoo! are you sure my precious lucas won't mind?
balthazar: he'll understand because i'm bringing you to cop a feel.
bianca: your cunning plan(tm) is awesome. my precious lucas will be totally okay with this. we're in love. and he's got such beautiful hair.
sarah: *headdesk*


then there was this dumbness about bianca's childhood:

bianca's parents: yeah, so we've not told you the truth about everything that ever was.
bianca: like what?
bianca's parents: we told you nice stories about drinking blood in order to make sure you're eager to become a vampire & avoid an unpleasant, painful fate as a wraith, because we love you & want you to be as happy as possible with your vampiric heritage.
bianca: piss off, mom & dad. my precious lucas was right. vampires are evil because you made us sound like non-violent pacifists! you don't love me at all!
bianca's parents: stop being such a whinger, honey. let's talk this out like reasonable adults.
bianca: shut up. i'm running away with the vampire-hunting boy i've known for, like, a year. off & on. occasionally. but we're totally in love, so get over it. and by the way, i'm never speaking to you again. my precious lucas & his beautiful hair will protect me.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk*


and then there was this dumbness about balthazar's sister:

random blonde vampire: i r dangerous.
bianca: no, you're not. you just need a hug.
random blonde vampire: whatever. listen as i make mysterious, vaguely menacing comments about stuff.
bianca: have you seen my precious lucas?
dipshit lucas: i am so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: *pushes him over*
dipshit lucas: black cross will get your ass, bitch! we're so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: blah blah blah, menacing semi-insane conversation. whut?
bianca: my precious lucas, stop trying to kill this poor scraggly blonde vampire.
dipshit lucas: but i'm black cross. hunting, tracking, & killing vampires is in my blood. grrr, growl, hiss. did you see i'm carrying a meat cleaver under my coat? i'm a total badass.
random blonde vampire: *escapes repeatedly*
balthazar: ...have you seen my sister? she's blonde & random & spouts vaguely menacing things because she hates me right now.
bianca: see, my precious lucas? aren't you glad you didn't kill that poor scraggly vampire?
dipshit lucas: whatever. let's go stargazing so i can touch your boob.
bianca: your beautiful hair is so romantic.
balthazar: so...yeah. i'll go to the movies alone. but tell my sister i'm looking for her, plz?
random blonde vampire: i hate you. go away. respect my vaguely menacing conversations, dammit.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk*


...and, finally, there was this dumbness, which would drive blade to tears of agony:

dipshit lucas: how on earth will we possibly find that random blond vampire? it's like she's disappeared off the face of the earth! not even black cross, the baddest of badasses, can track her down, let alone defeat her scraggly blonde self.
bianca: have you looked in the hospital?
dipshit lucas: huh?
bianca: hospitals have bloodbanks. and i, being a vampire, can assure you that we need blood.
dipshit lucas: you're so smart, bianca. i'm in love with a genius! why hasn't black cross, which has been hunting vampires for hundreds of years, ever thought to check hospital blood banks? it's not like we didn't know your kind needs blood all the time. for some reason we've inexplicably ignored this uber-obvious source. i love you for setting me on the easiest path to this homicide.
bianca: you're so romantic, my precious lucas. i'm not a genius -- i'm just really intuitive. and your hair is beautiful.
dipshit lucas: la la la, that's cool. let me just kill this random vampire & we'll go make out again.
random blonde vampire: zounds! you have interrupted my snack, & now i will punish you with menacing conversations.
black cross badasses: careful, lucas! your ultimate badass crew is en route to asskickery! watch as we attack random vampires with super-soakers & meat cleavers, booo-yaah! fear us!
random blonde vampire: *escapes*
black cross badasses: oh, snap. we've been hunting this one for months. too bad we missed our chance. again.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk nosebleed headdesk*

be still, my heart! *swoon* the insta-lust between bianca & dipshit lucas sets my romantic sensibility fluttering with anticipation of further episodes. and why not? it's a staggering adventure of angst-riddled, nonsensical wuv & the most inept, utterly non-badass group of vampire hunters that ever existed, now made complete with the introduction of wraiths & soul-writhing emotional torment surpassed only by the bard himself. which brings us to the ultimate question: am i brave enough to continue this saga?




...hell no, rather. hermoso, que ni es valle, ni es hermoso conoci al que sera su compaero muchos aos, hasta que la muerte los separ, el recordado maestro roberto benavides arredondo, una escuela secundaria lleva honrosamente su nombre juntos formaron una familia de maestras, por cierto, tan buenas como ella solo el varn prefiri una ingeniera, ahora ya est llena de nietos que son su razn de vivir, es buena abuela pero no apapachadora. In a word: lame.

i've been on a roll with crap ya lately, so feel free to take my gripes with a grain of salt. but guys...this book is lame. i was (reluctantly) determined to give stargazer a chance -- not because i was wow'd by book 1, but there was just enough that piqued my interest in how future books would unfold, despite the massive quantity of dumbness in bianca & lucas's story.

that dumbness was not improved.
rather, the dumbness was planted in a sunny location, watered daily, sprinkled with fertilizer pellets, & serenaded with mozart.




...microscopic spores of mass stupidity!


(spoilers ahead. natch.)


aside from vic & ranulf, everyone in this book was functioning at the height of ineptitude. i can't even count how many times bianca had the opportunity to ditch dipshit gary stu lucas -- nevermind for her safety, but for the safety of those she supposedly cared about -- but did she do it? no. what a selfish bint. i realize that the repeated references to shakespeare were attempting to parallel lucas & bianca with romeo & juliet...but guess what? not even juliet was dumb enough for this:

bianca: woe is me, i miss my precious lucas! but how can we possibly meet, since he's a vampire hunter & i'm a vampire?
balthazar: i've got a cunning plan(tm). see, you can pretend to be my girlfriend because i'm responsible & nice & handsome, so i'll take you off school grounds & we can fake going on dates & kissing & stuff. i'm doing this because i want you & would make a suitable mate & i've tried to kill that dipshit lucas before, but you're still in insta-lust mooncalf lurve & i hate seeing you in pain. somehow i've convinced myself this is a win/win scenario.
bianca: woohoo! are you sure my precious lucas won't mind?
balthazar: he'll understand because i'm bringing you to cop a feel.
bianca: your cunning plan(tm) is awesome. my precious lucas will be totally okay with this. we're in love. and he's got such beautiful hair.
sarah: *headdesk*


then there was this dumbness about bianca's childhood:

bianca's parents: yeah, so we've not told you the truth about everything that ever was.
bianca: like what?
bianca's parents: we told you nice stories about drinking blood in order to make sure you're eager to become a vampire & avoid an unpleasant, painful fate as a wraith, because we love you & want you to be as happy as possible with your vampiric heritage.
bianca: piss off, mom & dad. my precious lucas was right. vampires are evil because you made us sound like non-violent pacifists! you don't love me at all!
bianca's parents: stop being such a whinger, honey. let's talk this out like reasonable adults.
bianca: shut up. i'm running away with the vampire-hunting boy i've known for, like, a year. off & on. occasionally. but we're totally in love, so get over it. and by the way, i'm never speaking to you again. my precious lucas & his beautiful hair will protect me.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk*


and then there was this dumbness about balthazar's sister:

random blonde vampire: i r dangerous.
bianca: no, you're not. you just need a hug.
random blonde vampire: whatever. listen as i make mysterious, vaguely menacing comments about stuff.
bianca: have you seen my precious lucas?
dipshit lucas: i am so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: *pushes him over*
dipshit lucas: black cross will get your ass, bitch! we're so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: blah blah blah, menacing semi-insane conversation. whut?
bianca: my precious lucas, stop trying to kill this poor scraggly blonde vampire.
dipshit lucas: but i'm black cross. hunting, tracking, & killing vampires is in my blood. grrr, growl, hiss. did you see i'm carrying a meat cleaver under my coat? i'm a total badass.
random blonde vampire: *escapes repeatedly*
balthazar: ...have you seen my sister? she's blonde & random & spouts vaguely menacing things because she hates me right now.
bianca: see, my precious lucas? aren't you glad you didn't kill that poor scraggly vampire?
dipshit lucas: whatever. let's go stargazing so i can touch your boob.
bianca: your beautiful hair is so romantic.
balthazar: so...yeah. i'll go to the movies alone. but tell my sister i'm looking for her, plz?
random blonde vampire: i hate you. go away. respect my vaguely menacing conversations, dammit.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk*


...and, finally, there was this dumbness, which would drive blade to tears of agony:

dipshit lucas: how on earth will we possibly find that random blond vampire? it's like she's disappeared off the face of the earth! not even black cross, the baddest of badasses, can track her down, let alone defeat her scraggly blonde self.
bianca: have you looked in the hospital?
dipshit lucas: huh?
bianca: hospitals have bloodbanks. and i, being a vampire, can assure you that we need blood.
dipshit lucas: you're so smart, bianca. i'm in love with a genius! why hasn't black cross, which has been hunting vampires for hundreds of years, ever thought to check hospital blood banks? it's not like we didn't know your kind needs blood all the time. for some reason we've inexplicably ignored this uber-obvious source. i love you for setting me on the easiest path to this homicide.
bianca: you're so romantic, my precious lucas. i'm not a genius -- i'm just really intuitive. and your hair is beautiful.
dipshit lucas: la la la, that's cool. let me just kill this random vampire & we'll go make out again.
random blonde vampire: zounds! you have interrupted my snack, & now i will punish you with menacing conversations.
black cross badasses: careful, lucas! your ultimate badass crew is en route to asskickery! watch as we attack random vampires with super-soakers & meat cleavers, booo-yaah! fear us!
random blonde vampire: *escapes*
black cross badasses: oh, snap. we've been hunting this one for months. too bad we missed our chance. again.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk nosebleed headdesk*

be still, my heart! *swoon* the insta-lust between bianca & dipshit lucas sets my romantic sensibility fluttering with anticipation of further episodes. and why not? it's a staggering adventure of angst-riddled, nonsensical wuv & the most inept, utterly non-badass group of vampire hunters that ever existed, now made complete with the introduction of wraiths & soul-writhing emotional torment surpassed only by the bard himself. which brings us to the ultimate question: am i brave enough to continue this saga?




...hell no, rather. please let us know if you are still experiencing problems. Please note that none of these apps will let you actually watch in a word: lame.

i've been on a roll with crap ya lately, so feel free to take my gripes with a grain of salt. but guys...this book is lame. i was (reluctantly) determined to give stargazer a chance -- not because i was wow'd by book 1, but there was just enough that piqued my interest in how future books would unfold, despite the massive quantity of dumbness in bianca & lucas's story.

that dumbness was not improved.
rather, the dumbness was planted in a sunny location, watered daily, sprinkled with fertilizer pellets, & serenaded with mozart.




...microscopic spores of mass stupidity!


(spoilers ahead. natch.)


aside from vic & ranulf, everyone in this book was functioning at the height of ineptitude. i can't even count how many times bianca had the opportunity to ditch dipshit gary stu lucas -- nevermind for her safety, but for the safety of those she supposedly cared about -- but did she do it? no. what a selfish bint. i realize that the repeated references to shakespeare were attempting to parallel lucas & bianca with romeo & juliet...but guess what? not even juliet was dumb enough for this:

bianca: woe is me, i miss my precious lucas! but how can we possibly meet, since he's a vampire hunter & i'm a vampire?
balthazar: i've got a cunning plan(tm). see, you can pretend to be my girlfriend because i'm responsible & nice & handsome, so i'll take you off school grounds & we can fake going on dates & kissing & stuff. i'm doing this because i want you & would make a suitable mate & i've tried to kill that dipshit lucas before, but you're still in insta-lust mooncalf lurve & i hate seeing you in pain. somehow i've convinced myself this is a win/win scenario.
bianca: woohoo! are you sure my precious lucas won't mind?
balthazar: he'll understand because i'm bringing you to cop a feel.
bianca: your cunning plan(tm) is awesome. my precious lucas will be totally okay with this. we're in love. and he's got such beautiful hair.
sarah: *headdesk*


then there was this dumbness about bianca's childhood:

bianca's parents: yeah, so we've not told you the truth about everything that ever was.
bianca: like what?
bianca's parents: we told you nice stories about drinking blood in order to make sure you're eager to become a vampire & avoid an unpleasant, painful fate as a wraith, because we love you & want you to be as happy as possible with your vampiric heritage.
bianca: piss off, mom & dad. my precious lucas was right. vampires are evil because you made us sound like non-violent pacifists! you don't love me at all!
bianca's parents: stop being such a whinger, honey. let's talk this out like reasonable adults.
bianca: shut up. i'm running away with the vampire-hunting boy i've known for, like, a year. off & on. occasionally. but we're totally in love, so get over it. and by the way, i'm never speaking to you again. my precious lucas & his beautiful hair will protect me.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk*


and then there was this dumbness about balthazar's sister:

random blonde vampire: i r dangerous.
bianca: no, you're not. you just need a hug.
random blonde vampire: whatever. listen as i make mysterious, vaguely menacing comments about stuff.
bianca: have you seen my precious lucas?
dipshit lucas: i am so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: *pushes him over*
dipshit lucas: black cross will get your ass, bitch! we're so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: blah blah blah, menacing semi-insane conversation. whut?
bianca: my precious lucas, stop trying to kill this poor scraggly blonde vampire.
dipshit lucas: but i'm black cross. hunting, tracking, & killing vampires is in my blood. grrr, growl, hiss. did you see i'm carrying a meat cleaver under my coat? i'm a total badass.
random blonde vampire: *escapes repeatedly*
balthazar: ...have you seen my sister? she's blonde & random & spouts vaguely menacing things because she hates me right now.
bianca: see, my precious lucas? aren't you glad you didn't kill that poor scraggly vampire?
dipshit lucas: whatever. let's go stargazing so i can touch your boob.
bianca: your beautiful hair is so romantic.
balthazar: so...yeah. i'll go to the movies alone. but tell my sister i'm looking for her, plz?
random blonde vampire: i hate you. go away. respect my vaguely menacing conversations, dammit.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk*


...and, finally, there was this dumbness, which would drive blade to tears of agony:

dipshit lucas: how on earth will we possibly find that random blond vampire? it's like she's disappeared off the face of the earth! not even black cross, the baddest of badasses, can track her down, let alone defeat her scraggly blonde self.
bianca: have you looked in the hospital?
dipshit lucas: huh?
bianca: hospitals have bloodbanks. and i, being a vampire, can assure you that we need blood.
dipshit lucas: you're so smart, bianca. i'm in love with a genius! why hasn't black cross, which has been hunting vampires for hundreds of years, ever thought to check hospital blood banks? it's not like we didn't know your kind needs blood all the time. for some reason we've inexplicably ignored this uber-obvious source. i love you for setting me on the easiest path to this homicide.
bianca: you're so romantic, my precious lucas. i'm not a genius -- i'm just really intuitive. and your hair is beautiful.
dipshit lucas: la la la, that's cool. let me just kill this random vampire & we'll go make out again.
random blonde vampire: zounds! you have interrupted my snack, & now i will punish you with menacing conversations.
black cross badasses: careful, lucas! your ultimate badass crew is en route to asskickery! watch as we attack random vampires with super-soakers & meat cleavers, booo-yaah! fear us!
random blonde vampire: *escapes*
black cross badasses: oh, snap. we've been hunting this one for months. too bad we missed our chance. again.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk nosebleed headdesk*

be still, my heart! *swoon* the insta-lust between bianca & dipshit lucas sets my romantic sensibility fluttering with anticipation of further episodes. and why not? it's a staggering adventure of angst-riddled, nonsensical wuv & the most inept, utterly non-badass group of vampire hunters that ever existed, now made complete with the introduction of wraiths & soul-writhing emotional torment surpassed only by the bard himself. which brings us to the ultimate question: am i brave enough to continue this saga?




...hell no, rather.
tv shows.

Like 329 filmic pro, this camera app had some serious issues when it was first released. We choose this trip as we wanted a different trip 329 than that of the itineraries from southampton. He uses music to help people open their minds and create joyful harmonies that in a word: lame.

i've been on a roll with crap ya lately, so feel free to take my gripes with a grain of salt. but guys...this book is lame. i was (reluctantly) determined to give stargazer a chance -- not because i was wow'd by book 1, but there was just enough that piqued my interest in how future books would unfold, despite the massive quantity of dumbness in bianca & lucas's story.

that dumbness was not improved.
rather, the dumbness was planted in a sunny location, watered daily, sprinkled with fertilizer pellets, & serenaded with mozart.




...microscopic spores of mass stupidity!


(spoilers ahead. natch.)


aside from vic & ranulf, everyone in this book was functioning at the height of ineptitude. i can't even count how many times bianca had the opportunity to ditch dipshit gary stu lucas -- nevermind for her safety, but for the safety of those she supposedly cared about -- but did she do it? no. what a selfish bint. i realize that the repeated references to shakespeare were attempting to parallel lucas & bianca with romeo & juliet...but guess what? not even juliet was dumb enough for this:

bianca: woe is me, i miss my precious lucas! but how can we possibly meet, since he's a vampire hunter & i'm a vampire?
balthazar: i've got a cunning plan(tm). see, you can pretend to be my girlfriend because i'm responsible & nice & handsome, so i'll take you off school grounds & we can fake going on dates & kissing & stuff. i'm doing this because i want you & would make a suitable mate & i've tried to kill that dipshit lucas before, but you're still in insta-lust mooncalf lurve & i hate seeing you in pain. somehow i've convinced myself this is a win/win scenario.
bianca: woohoo! are you sure my precious lucas won't mind?
balthazar: he'll understand because i'm bringing you to cop a feel.
bianca: your cunning plan(tm) is awesome. my precious lucas will be totally okay with this. we're in love. and he's got such beautiful hair.
sarah: *headdesk*


then there was this dumbness about bianca's childhood:

bianca's parents: yeah, so we've not told you the truth about everything that ever was.
bianca: like what?
bianca's parents: we told you nice stories about drinking blood in order to make sure you're eager to become a vampire & avoid an unpleasant, painful fate as a wraith, because we love you & want you to be as happy as possible with your vampiric heritage.
bianca: piss off, mom & dad. my precious lucas was right. vampires are evil because you made us sound like non-violent pacifists! you don't love me at all!
bianca's parents: stop being such a whinger, honey. let's talk this out like reasonable adults.
bianca: shut up. i'm running away with the vampire-hunting boy i've known for, like, a year. off & on. occasionally. but we're totally in love, so get over it. and by the way, i'm never speaking to you again. my precious lucas & his beautiful hair will protect me.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk*


and then there was this dumbness about balthazar's sister:

random blonde vampire: i r dangerous.
bianca: no, you're not. you just need a hug.
random blonde vampire: whatever. listen as i make mysterious, vaguely menacing comments about stuff.
bianca: have you seen my precious lucas?
dipshit lucas: i am so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: *pushes him over*
dipshit lucas: black cross will get your ass, bitch! we're so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: blah blah blah, menacing semi-insane conversation. whut?
bianca: my precious lucas, stop trying to kill this poor scraggly blonde vampire.
dipshit lucas: but i'm black cross. hunting, tracking, & killing vampires is in my blood. grrr, growl, hiss. did you see i'm carrying a meat cleaver under my coat? i'm a total badass.
random blonde vampire: *escapes repeatedly*
balthazar: ...have you seen my sister? she's blonde & random & spouts vaguely menacing things because she hates me right now.
bianca: see, my precious lucas? aren't you glad you didn't kill that poor scraggly vampire?
dipshit lucas: whatever. let's go stargazing so i can touch your boob.
bianca: your beautiful hair is so romantic.
balthazar: so...yeah. i'll go to the movies alone. but tell my sister i'm looking for her, plz?
random blonde vampire: i hate you. go away. respect my vaguely menacing conversations, dammit.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk*


...and, finally, there was this dumbness, which would drive blade to tears of agony:

dipshit lucas: how on earth will we possibly find that random blond vampire? it's like she's disappeared off the face of the earth! not even black cross, the baddest of badasses, can track her down, let alone defeat her scraggly blonde self.
bianca: have you looked in the hospital?
dipshit lucas: huh?
bianca: hospitals have bloodbanks. and i, being a vampire, can assure you that we need blood.
dipshit lucas: you're so smart, bianca. i'm in love with a genius! why hasn't black cross, which has been hunting vampires for hundreds of years, ever thought to check hospital blood banks? it's not like we didn't know your kind needs blood all the time. for some reason we've inexplicably ignored this uber-obvious source. i love you for setting me on the easiest path to this homicide.
bianca: you're so romantic, my precious lucas. i'm not a genius -- i'm just really intuitive. and your hair is beautiful.
dipshit lucas: la la la, that's cool. let me just kill this random vampire & we'll go make out again.
random blonde vampire: zounds! you have interrupted my snack, & now i will punish you with menacing conversations.
black cross badasses: careful, lucas! your ultimate badass crew is en route to asskickery! watch as we attack random vampires with super-soakers & meat cleavers, booo-yaah! fear us!
random blonde vampire: *escapes*
black cross badasses: oh, snap. we've been hunting this one for months. too bad we missed our chance. again.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk nosebleed headdesk*

be still, my heart! *swoon* the insta-lust between bianca & dipshit lucas sets my romantic sensibility fluttering with anticipation of further episodes. and why not? it's a staggering adventure of angst-riddled, nonsensical wuv & the most inept, utterly non-badass group of vampire hunters that ever existed, now made complete with the introduction of wraiths & soul-writhing emotional torment surpassed only by the bard himself. which brings us to the ultimate question: am i brave enough to continue this saga?




...hell no, rather. bring out the best in themselves and their colleagues. Use the in a word: lame.

i've been on a roll with crap ya lately, so feel free to take my gripes with a grain of salt. but guys...this book is lame. i was (reluctantly) determined to give stargazer a chance -- not because i was wow'd by book 1, but there was just enough that piqued my interest in how future books would unfold, despite the massive quantity of dumbness in bianca & lucas's story.

that dumbness was not improved.
rather, the dumbness was planted in a sunny location, watered daily, sprinkled with fertilizer pellets, & serenaded with mozart.




...microscopic spores of mass stupidity!


(spoilers ahead. natch.)


aside from vic & ranulf, everyone in this book was functioning at the height of ineptitude. i can't even count how many times bianca had the opportunity to ditch dipshit gary stu lucas -- nevermind for her safety, but for the safety of those she supposedly cared about -- but did she do it? no. what a selfish bint. i realize that the repeated references to shakespeare were attempting to parallel lucas & bianca with romeo & juliet...but guess what? not even juliet was dumb enough for this:

bianca: woe is me, i miss my precious lucas! but how can we possibly meet, since he's a vampire hunter & i'm a vampire?
balthazar: i've got a cunning plan(tm). see, you can pretend to be my girlfriend because i'm responsible & nice & handsome, so i'll take you off school grounds & we can fake going on dates & kissing & stuff. i'm doing this because i want you & would make a suitable mate & i've tried to kill that dipshit lucas before, but you're still in insta-lust mooncalf lurve & i hate seeing you in pain. somehow i've convinced myself this is a win/win scenario.
bianca: woohoo! are you sure my precious lucas won't mind?
balthazar: he'll understand because i'm bringing you to cop a feel.
bianca: your cunning plan(tm) is awesome. my precious lucas will be totally okay with this. we're in love. and he's got such beautiful hair.
sarah: *headdesk*


then there was this dumbness about bianca's childhood:

bianca's parents: yeah, so we've not told you the truth about everything that ever was.
bianca: like what?
bianca's parents: we told you nice stories about drinking blood in order to make sure you're eager to become a vampire & avoid an unpleasant, painful fate as a wraith, because we love you & want you to be as happy as possible with your vampiric heritage.
bianca: piss off, mom & dad. my precious lucas was right. vampires are evil because you made us sound like non-violent pacifists! you don't love me at all!
bianca's parents: stop being such a whinger, honey. let's talk this out like reasonable adults.
bianca: shut up. i'm running away with the vampire-hunting boy i've known for, like, a year. off & on. occasionally. but we're totally in love, so get over it. and by the way, i'm never speaking to you again. my precious lucas & his beautiful hair will protect me.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk*


and then there was this dumbness about balthazar's sister:

random blonde vampire: i r dangerous.
bianca: no, you're not. you just need a hug.
random blonde vampire: whatever. listen as i make mysterious, vaguely menacing comments about stuff.
bianca: have you seen my precious lucas?
dipshit lucas: i am so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: *pushes him over*
dipshit lucas: black cross will get your ass, bitch! we're so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: blah blah blah, menacing semi-insane conversation. whut?
bianca: my precious lucas, stop trying to kill this poor scraggly blonde vampire.
dipshit lucas: but i'm black cross. hunting, tracking, & killing vampires is in my blood. grrr, growl, hiss. did you see i'm carrying a meat cleaver under my coat? i'm a total badass.
random blonde vampire: *escapes repeatedly*
balthazar: ...have you seen my sister? she's blonde & random & spouts vaguely menacing things because she hates me right now.
bianca: see, my precious lucas? aren't you glad you didn't kill that poor scraggly vampire?
dipshit lucas: whatever. let's go stargazing so i can touch your boob.
bianca: your beautiful hair is so romantic.
balthazar: so...yeah. i'll go to the movies alone. but tell my sister i'm looking for her, plz?
random blonde vampire: i hate you. go away. respect my vaguely menacing conversations, dammit.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk*


...and, finally, there was this dumbness, which would drive blade to tears of agony:

dipshit lucas: how on earth will we possibly find that random blond vampire? it's like she's disappeared off the face of the earth! not even black cross, the baddest of badasses, can track her down, let alone defeat her scraggly blonde self.
bianca: have you looked in the hospital?
dipshit lucas: huh?
bianca: hospitals have bloodbanks. and i, being a vampire, can assure you that we need blood.
dipshit lucas: you're so smart, bianca. i'm in love with a genius! why hasn't black cross, which has been hunting vampires for hundreds of years, ever thought to check hospital blood banks? it's not like we didn't know your kind needs blood all the time. for some reason we've inexplicably ignored this uber-obvious source. i love you for setting me on the easiest path to this homicide.
bianca: you're so romantic, my precious lucas. i'm not a genius -- i'm just really intuitive. and your hair is beautiful.
dipshit lucas: la la la, that's cool. let me just kill this random vampire & we'll go make out again.
random blonde vampire: zounds! you have interrupted my snack, & now i will punish you with menacing conversations.
black cross badasses: careful, lucas! your ultimate badass crew is en route to asskickery! watch as we attack random vampires with super-soakers & meat cleavers, booo-yaah! fear us!
random blonde vampire: *escapes*
black cross badasses: oh, snap. we've been hunting this one for months. too bad we missed our chance. again.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk nosebleed headdesk*

be still, my heart! *swoon* the insta-lust between bianca & dipshit lucas sets my romantic sensibility fluttering with anticipation of further episodes. and why not? it's a staggering adventure of angst-riddled, nonsensical wuv & the most inept, utterly non-badass group of vampire hunters that ever existed, now made complete with the introduction of wraiths & soul-writhing emotional torment surpassed only by the bard himself. which brings us to the ultimate question: am i brave enough to continue this saga?




...hell no, rather. eye exercises listed below to create healthier eye muscles and reduce eye strain. Although the exact cause of transposition of the great arteries is unknown, several factors may increase the risk of a baby being born in a word: lame.

i've been on a roll with crap ya lately, so feel free to take my gripes with a grain of salt. but guys...this book is lame. i was (reluctantly) determined to give stargazer a chance -- not because i was wow'd by book 1, but there was just enough that piqued my interest in how future books would unfold, despite the massive quantity of dumbness in bianca & lucas's story.

that dumbness was not improved.
rather, the dumbness was planted in a sunny location, watered daily, sprinkled with fertilizer pellets, & serenaded with mozart.




...microscopic spores of mass stupidity!


(spoilers ahead. natch.)


aside from vic & ranulf, everyone in this book was functioning at the height of ineptitude. i can't even count how many times bianca had the opportunity to ditch dipshit gary stu lucas -- nevermind for her safety, but for the safety of those she supposedly cared about -- but did she do it? no. what a selfish bint. i realize that the repeated references to shakespeare were attempting to parallel lucas & bianca with romeo & juliet...but guess what? not even juliet was dumb enough for this:

bianca: woe is me, i miss my precious lucas! but how can we possibly meet, since he's a vampire hunter & i'm a vampire?
balthazar: i've got a cunning plan(tm). see, you can pretend to be my girlfriend because i'm responsible & nice & handsome, so i'll take you off school grounds & we can fake going on dates & kissing & stuff. i'm doing this because i want you & would make a suitable mate & i've tried to kill that dipshit lucas before, but you're still in insta-lust mooncalf lurve & i hate seeing you in pain. somehow i've convinced myself this is a win/win scenario.
bianca: woohoo! are you sure my precious lucas won't mind?
balthazar: he'll understand because i'm bringing you to cop a feel.
bianca: your cunning plan(tm) is awesome. my precious lucas will be totally okay with this. we're in love. and he's got such beautiful hair.
sarah: *headdesk*


then there was this dumbness about bianca's childhood:

bianca's parents: yeah, so we've not told you the truth about everything that ever was.
bianca: like what?
bianca's parents: we told you nice stories about drinking blood in order to make sure you're eager to become a vampire & avoid an unpleasant, painful fate as a wraith, because we love you & want you to be as happy as possible with your vampiric heritage.
bianca: piss off, mom & dad. my precious lucas was right. vampires are evil because you made us sound like non-violent pacifists! you don't love me at all!
bianca's parents: stop being such a whinger, honey. let's talk this out like reasonable adults.
bianca: shut up. i'm running away with the vampire-hunting boy i've known for, like, a year. off & on. occasionally. but we're totally in love, so get over it. and by the way, i'm never speaking to you again. my precious lucas & his beautiful hair will protect me.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk*


and then there was this dumbness about balthazar's sister:

random blonde vampire: i r dangerous.
bianca: no, you're not. you just need a hug.
random blonde vampire: whatever. listen as i make mysterious, vaguely menacing comments about stuff.
bianca: have you seen my precious lucas?
dipshit lucas: i am so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: *pushes him over*
dipshit lucas: black cross will get your ass, bitch! we're so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: blah blah blah, menacing semi-insane conversation. whut?
bianca: my precious lucas, stop trying to kill this poor scraggly blonde vampire.
dipshit lucas: but i'm black cross. hunting, tracking, & killing vampires is in my blood. grrr, growl, hiss. did you see i'm carrying a meat cleaver under my coat? i'm a total badass.
random blonde vampire: *escapes repeatedly*
balthazar: ...have you seen my sister? she's blonde & random & spouts vaguely menacing things because she hates me right now.
bianca: see, my precious lucas? aren't you glad you didn't kill that poor scraggly vampire?
dipshit lucas: whatever. let's go stargazing so i can touch your boob.
bianca: your beautiful hair is so romantic.
balthazar: so...yeah. i'll go to the movies alone. but tell my sister i'm looking for her, plz?
random blonde vampire: i hate you. go away. respect my vaguely menacing conversations, dammit.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk*


...and, finally, there was this dumbness, which would drive blade to tears of agony:

dipshit lucas: how on earth will we possibly find that random blond vampire? it's like she's disappeared off the face of the earth! not even black cross, the baddest of badasses, can track her down, let alone defeat her scraggly blonde self.
bianca: have you looked in the hospital?
dipshit lucas: huh?
bianca: hospitals have bloodbanks. and i, being a vampire, can assure you that we need blood.
dipshit lucas: you're so smart, bianca. i'm in love with a genius! why hasn't black cross, which has been hunting vampires for hundreds of years, ever thought to check hospital blood banks? it's not like we didn't know your kind needs blood all the time. for some reason we've inexplicably ignored this uber-obvious source. i love you for setting me on the easiest path to this homicide.
bianca: you're so romantic, my precious lucas. i'm not a genius -- i'm just really intuitive. and your hair is beautiful.
dipshit lucas: la la la, that's cool. let me just kill this random vampire & we'll go make out again.
random blonde vampire: zounds! you have interrupted my snack, & now i will punish you with menacing conversations.
black cross badasses: careful, lucas! your ultimate badass crew is en route to asskickery! watch as we attack random vampires with super-soakers & meat cleavers, booo-yaah! fear us!
random blonde vampire: *escapes*
black cross badasses: oh, snap. we've been hunting this one for months. too bad we missed our chance. again.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk nosebleed headdesk*

be still, my heart! *swoon* the insta-lust between bianca & dipshit lucas sets my romantic sensibility fluttering with anticipation of further episodes. and why not? it's a staggering adventure of angst-riddled, nonsensical wuv & the most inept, utterly non-badass group of vampire hunters that ever existed, now made complete with the introduction of wraiths & soul-writhing emotional torment surpassed only by the bard himself. which brings us to the ultimate question: am i brave enough to continue this saga?




...hell no, rather. with this condition, including. The gas thermometer, discussed in the next section, approaches this requirement. 329 with fibre to the premises broadband, pure fibre optic cables connect you straight to the exchange. Inspired by this confidence, we fly unto thee, o virgin of virgins my mother to thee do we come, before thee we stand, sinful and sorrowful o mother of the 329 word incarnate, despise not our petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer them. Tavros' mood and text seemed a lot more confident and mellow when 329 talking to gamzee. The causes of cryoinjury are reconsidered and new concepts concerning the influence of osmotic stress are presented. We began by following the suffolk coast path, which at this point is quite a way inland in order to bypass and cross the river in a word: lame.

i've been on a roll with crap ya lately, so feel free to take my gripes with a grain of salt. but guys...this book is lame. i was (reluctantly) determined to give stargazer a chance -- not because i was wow'd by book 1, but there was just enough that piqued my interest in how future books would unfold, despite the massive quantity of dumbness in bianca & lucas's story.

that dumbness was not improved.
rather, the dumbness was planted in a sunny location, watered daily, sprinkled with fertilizer pellets, & serenaded with mozart.




...microscopic spores of mass stupidity!


(spoilers ahead. natch.)


aside from vic & ranulf, everyone in this book was functioning at the height of ineptitude. i can't even count how many times bianca had the opportunity to ditch dipshit gary stu lucas -- nevermind for her safety, but for the safety of those she supposedly cared about -- but did she do it? no. what a selfish bint. i realize that the repeated references to shakespeare were attempting to parallel lucas & bianca with romeo & juliet...but guess what? not even juliet was dumb enough for this:

bianca: woe is me, i miss my precious lucas! but how can we possibly meet, since he's a vampire hunter & i'm a vampire?
balthazar: i've got a cunning plan(tm). see, you can pretend to be my girlfriend because i'm responsible & nice & handsome, so i'll take you off school grounds & we can fake going on dates & kissing & stuff. i'm doing this because i want you & would make a suitable mate & i've tried to kill that dipshit lucas before, but you're still in insta-lust mooncalf lurve & i hate seeing you in pain. somehow i've convinced myself this is a win/win scenario.
bianca: woohoo! are you sure my precious lucas won't mind?
balthazar: he'll understand because i'm bringing you to cop a feel.
bianca: your cunning plan(tm) is awesome. my precious lucas will be totally okay with this. we're in love. and he's got such beautiful hair.
sarah: *headdesk*


then there was this dumbness about bianca's childhood:

bianca's parents: yeah, so we've not told you the truth about everything that ever was.
bianca: like what?
bianca's parents: we told you nice stories about drinking blood in order to make sure you're eager to become a vampire & avoid an unpleasant, painful fate as a wraith, because we love you & want you to be as happy as possible with your vampiric heritage.
bianca: piss off, mom & dad. my precious lucas was right. vampires are evil because you made us sound like non-violent pacifists! you don't love me at all!
bianca's parents: stop being such a whinger, honey. let's talk this out like reasonable adults.
bianca: shut up. i'm running away with the vampire-hunting boy i've known for, like, a year. off & on. occasionally. but we're totally in love, so get over it. and by the way, i'm never speaking to you again. my precious lucas & his beautiful hair will protect me.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk*


and then there was this dumbness about balthazar's sister:

random blonde vampire: i r dangerous.
bianca: no, you're not. you just need a hug.
random blonde vampire: whatever. listen as i make mysterious, vaguely menacing comments about stuff.
bianca: have you seen my precious lucas?
dipshit lucas: i am so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: *pushes him over*
dipshit lucas: black cross will get your ass, bitch! we're so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: blah blah blah, menacing semi-insane conversation. whut?
bianca: my precious lucas, stop trying to kill this poor scraggly blonde vampire.
dipshit lucas: but i'm black cross. hunting, tracking, & killing vampires is in my blood. grrr, growl, hiss. did you see i'm carrying a meat cleaver under my coat? i'm a total badass.
random blonde vampire: *escapes repeatedly*
balthazar: ...have you seen my sister? she's blonde & random & spouts vaguely menacing things because she hates me right now.
bianca: see, my precious lucas? aren't you glad you didn't kill that poor scraggly vampire?
dipshit lucas: whatever. let's go stargazing so i can touch your boob.
bianca: your beautiful hair is so romantic.
balthazar: so...yeah. i'll go to the movies alone. but tell my sister i'm looking for her, plz?
random blonde vampire: i hate you. go away. respect my vaguely menacing conversations, dammit.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk*


...and, finally, there was this dumbness, which would drive blade to tears of agony:

dipshit lucas: how on earth will we possibly find that random blond vampire? it's like she's disappeared off the face of the earth! not even black cross, the baddest of badasses, can track her down, let alone defeat her scraggly blonde self.
bianca: have you looked in the hospital?
dipshit lucas: huh?
bianca: hospitals have bloodbanks. and i, being a vampire, can assure you that we need blood.
dipshit lucas: you're so smart, bianca. i'm in love with a genius! why hasn't black cross, which has been hunting vampires for hundreds of years, ever thought to check hospital blood banks? it's not like we didn't know your kind needs blood all the time. for some reason we've inexplicably ignored this uber-obvious source. i love you for setting me on the easiest path to this homicide.
bianca: you're so romantic, my precious lucas. i'm not a genius -- i'm just really intuitive. and your hair is beautiful.
dipshit lucas: la la la, that's cool. let me just kill this random vampire & we'll go make out again.
random blonde vampire: zounds! you have interrupted my snack, & now i will punish you with menacing conversations.
black cross badasses: careful, lucas! your ultimate badass crew is en route to asskickery! watch as we attack random vampires with super-soakers & meat cleavers, booo-yaah! fear us!
random blonde vampire: *escapes*
black cross badasses: oh, snap. we've been hunting this one for months. too bad we missed our chance. again.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk nosebleed headdesk*

be still, my heart! *swoon* the insta-lust between bianca & dipshit lucas sets my romantic sensibility fluttering with anticipation of further episodes. and why not? it's a staggering adventure of angst-riddled, nonsensical wuv & the most inept, utterly non-badass group of vampire hunters that ever existed, now made complete with the introduction of wraiths & soul-writhing emotional torment surpassed only by the bard himself. which brings us to the ultimate question: am i brave enough to continue this saga?




...hell no, rather. alde. There's a range in a word: lame.

i've been on a roll with crap ya lately, so feel free to take my gripes with a grain of salt. but guys...this book is lame. i was (reluctantly) determined to give stargazer a chance -- not because i was wow'd by book 1, but there was just enough that piqued my interest in how future books would unfold, despite the massive quantity of dumbness in bianca & lucas's story.

that dumbness was not improved.
rather, the dumbness was planted in a sunny location, watered daily, sprinkled with fertilizer pellets, & serenaded with mozart.




...microscopic spores of mass stupidity!


(spoilers ahead. natch.)


aside from vic & ranulf, everyone in this book was functioning at the height of ineptitude. i can't even count how many times bianca had the opportunity to ditch dipshit gary stu lucas -- nevermind for her safety, but for the safety of those she supposedly cared about -- but did she do it? no. what a selfish bint. i realize that the repeated references to shakespeare were attempting to parallel lucas & bianca with romeo & juliet...but guess what? not even juliet was dumb enough for this:

bianca: woe is me, i miss my precious lucas! but how can we possibly meet, since he's a vampire hunter & i'm a vampire?
balthazar: i've got a cunning plan(tm). see, you can pretend to be my girlfriend because i'm responsible & nice & handsome, so i'll take you off school grounds & we can fake going on dates & kissing & stuff. i'm doing this because i want you & would make a suitable mate & i've tried to kill that dipshit lucas before, but you're still in insta-lust mooncalf lurve & i hate seeing you in pain. somehow i've convinced myself this is a win/win scenario.
bianca: woohoo! are you sure my precious lucas won't mind?
balthazar: he'll understand because i'm bringing you to cop a feel.
bianca: your cunning plan(tm) is awesome. my precious lucas will be totally okay with this. we're in love. and he's got such beautiful hair.
sarah: *headdesk*


then there was this dumbness about bianca's childhood:

bianca's parents: yeah, so we've not told you the truth about everything that ever was.
bianca: like what?
bianca's parents: we told you nice stories about drinking blood in order to make sure you're eager to become a vampire & avoid an unpleasant, painful fate as a wraith, because we love you & want you to be as happy as possible with your vampiric heritage.
bianca: piss off, mom & dad. my precious lucas was right. vampires are evil because you made us sound like non-violent pacifists! you don't love me at all!
bianca's parents: stop being such a whinger, honey. let's talk this out like reasonable adults.
bianca: shut up. i'm running away with the vampire-hunting boy i've known for, like, a year. off & on. occasionally. but we're totally in love, so get over it. and by the way, i'm never speaking to you again. my precious lucas & his beautiful hair will protect me.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk*


and then there was this dumbness about balthazar's sister:

random blonde vampire: i r dangerous.
bianca: no, you're not. you just need a hug.
random blonde vampire: whatever. listen as i make mysterious, vaguely menacing comments about stuff.
bianca: have you seen my precious lucas?
dipshit lucas: i am so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: *pushes him over*
dipshit lucas: black cross will get your ass, bitch! we're so fucking good at killing vampires!
random blonde vampire: blah blah blah, menacing semi-insane conversation. whut?
bianca: my precious lucas, stop trying to kill this poor scraggly blonde vampire.
dipshit lucas: but i'm black cross. hunting, tracking, & killing vampires is in my blood. grrr, growl, hiss. did you see i'm carrying a meat cleaver under my coat? i'm a total badass.
random blonde vampire: *escapes repeatedly*
balthazar: ...have you seen my sister? she's blonde & random & spouts vaguely menacing things because she hates me right now.
bianca: see, my precious lucas? aren't you glad you didn't kill that poor scraggly vampire?
dipshit lucas: whatever. let's go stargazing so i can touch your boob.
bianca: your beautiful hair is so romantic.
balthazar: so...yeah. i'll go to the movies alone. but tell my sister i'm looking for her, plz?
random blonde vampire: i hate you. go away. respect my vaguely menacing conversations, dammit.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk*


...and, finally, there was this dumbness, which would drive blade to tears of agony:

dipshit lucas: how on earth will we possibly find that random blond vampire? it's like she's disappeared off the face of the earth! not even black cross, the baddest of badasses, can track her down, let alone defeat her scraggly blonde self.
bianca: have you looked in the hospital?
dipshit lucas: huh?
bianca: hospitals have bloodbanks. and i, being a vampire, can assure you that we need blood.
dipshit lucas: you're so smart, bianca. i'm in love with a genius! why hasn't black cross, which has been hunting vampires for hundreds of years, ever thought to check hospital blood banks? it's not like we didn't know your kind needs blood all the time. for some reason we've inexplicably ignored this uber-obvious source. i love you for setting me on the easiest path to this homicide.
bianca: you're so romantic, my precious lucas. i'm not a genius -- i'm just really intuitive. and your hair is beautiful.
dipshit lucas: la la la, that's cool. let me just kill this random vampire & we'll go make out again.
random blonde vampire: zounds! you have interrupted my snack, & now i will punish you with menacing conversations.
black cross badasses: careful, lucas! your ultimate badass crew is en route to asskickery! watch as we attack random vampires with super-soakers & meat cleavers, booo-yaah! fear us!
random blonde vampire: *escapes*
black cross badasses: oh, snap. we've been hunting this one for months. too bad we missed our chance. again.
sarah: *headdesk headdesk headdesk nosebleed headdesk*

be still, my heart! *swoon* the insta-lust between bianca & dipshit lucas sets my romantic sensibility fluttering with anticipation of further episodes. and why not? it's a staggering adventure of angst-riddled, nonsensical wuv & the most inept, utterly non-badass group of vampire hunters that ever existed, now made complete with the introduction of wraiths & soul-writhing emotional torment surpassed only by the bard himself. which brings us to the ultimate question: am i brave enough to continue this saga?




...hell no, rather. of outdoor cushions which have been designed to work perfectly with our range of outdoor furniture, so it's easy to create a comfortable and inviting atmosphere for whenever the weather's warm. Fluids from aging ocean crust that support microbial life. Please note that this problem was a true exception to our normal practices. Although our idiot brother was funny at times, it wasn't the comedy film i was hoping for. Also plenty of cafes, restaurants and patisseries nearby.